How Can Roger Goodell Win Back The News Cycle?

06.24.14 3 years ago 107 Comments

Mayor Bloomberg And NFL Commissioner Goodell Discuss 2014 Super Bowl Plans

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With the World Cup ongoing and LeBron James opting out of his contract to hit free agency, this could be the lone week of the year that the NFL doesn’t dominate the sports news cycle, UNLESS ROGER GOODELL ACTS FAST! The NFL can’t not be a behemoth standing astride the entire world of sport, even for a little bit.

So what is the commish cooking up to make sure the NFL owns the headlines while still respecting the shield?

– Goodell gets flustered and announces 10 expansion teams.

– Giant NFL logo left in the middle of the night in an unused parcel of land in Los Angeles. “Well I don’t know how that got there,” Goodell says with coy grin and a wink.

– Jimmy Graham actually ruled to be a longsnapper.

– Ray Rice suspended for the entire 2014 season but it can be reduced to one game if he doesn’t beat his wife for a while and looks sad.

– Goodell announces Jim Irsay punishment coming as soon as one fan can track Roger down [posts a closeup pic of a random phone pole on Twitter as a hint]

– League pays to get this State Farm ad back on TV while the NFL works with Jimmy Haslam to funnel money through a Swiss bank account to get LeBron to sign with the Browns.

– A press conference is held to announce that football causes CTE. Goodell takes the podium, clears his throat, yells SIKE, runs away giggling.

– Goodell remarks, “hmmm I think Johnny Manziel might be drinking too much hmm” while making a drinky hand motion – NFL media gladly runs with it.

– Press release goes out stating that a hot dog is the official sandwich of the NFL.

– Tom Brady deployed to Brazil to root for Germany while wearing a fancy hat.

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