NFL Christmas Carols

12.27.13 4 years ago 15 Comments

Yeah I know Christmas was two days ago but I post my stuff on Fridays so we’re just all gonna have to pretend you didn’t get that new Xbone yet and you still care about the Christmas season. This week, I present Football Christmas Carols!

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Tight End

You know Gonzo & Witten & Bennett & Olsen
Celek &Gronk & Gates & Vernon
But do you recall?
The most average tight end of all….

Rudolph the Red nosed Tight End
Had a very bad QB
Man if you ever saw him
Ponder would make you scream

Faith in Christian Ponder
Rudolph had his doubts
He never got a clean pass
No matter what his route

Then one cold December day
AP came to say
Rudolph with your skin so white
Throw a block for me tonight

Then all the Vikings rejoiced
As AP scored a TD
& Rudolph the Red Nosed Tight End
Hung Ponder from a tree

Jingle Bells as sung by the NFC South

Jingle Bells
Falcons Smell
The Bucs got MRSA
The Panthers currently in the lead
But the Saints wont go away

Dashing through the season
That fancy Superdome team
Into the seasons playoffs
Crushing all our dreams

But when the Superbowl they reach
they can’t run or hide
Oh the Saints are screwed
when they have to play outside


Andy Reid is at the Buffet
(To the tune of Santa Claus is coming to town)
(Credit on lyrics goes to McStabby from Something Awful)

Oh you better watch out
You better have pie
Better not be vegan
I’m telling you why
Andy Reid is at the buffet

He’s making a list
Checking it twice
Gonna find out
If the barbecue’s nice
Andy Reid is at the buffet

He knows if you serve taters
He knows if you serve steak
He knows if you serve babyback ribs
So you’d better bring extra plates

Oh you better watch out
You better have pie
Better not be vegan
I’m telling you why
Andy Reid is at the buffet

Snow Superbowl
(To the tune of White Christmas)

I’m dreaming of a Snow Superbowl
Just to make the dome teams cry
Where the football glistens
and the children Listen
To Peter King bitching the whole time

I’m dreaming of a Snow Superbowl
It’s not like I’m going so why not
Let the celebrities freeze
their ass on live TV
As I watch bad commercials from my home

I’m dreaming of a Snow Superbowl
The Score will end up 8 to 6
No one kicks the ball
and best of all
Roger Goodells nipples could cut bricks

I’m dreaming of a Snow Superbowl
Just to make Peter King cry
He gets a free vacation
to footballs biggest destination
He can deal with a small touch of frostbite



Gonna call the Offense for PI
(To the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)

The Whistles Blow, are you listening,
On the field, a flag is glistening
A beautiful sight,
We’re happy tonight.
They’re gonna call the offense for PI.

Made the throw, did the QB
Pushed off, did the Rookie
Even though he caught the ball,
The Refs saw it all,
And they’re gonna call the Offense for PI.

In the stadium
they cheered man,
thank god
the refs got it right

The Ref will say
he was interfered with
and the offense will get stuck behind the five

Ed Hochuli turns on his mic
Starts to talk, somethings not right
There’s flags on both sides,
We jumped offsides,
Goddamnit now it’s 1st and 10 again

I could probably write several more but as I type this it’s 130 am in the morning (Which explains the quality of my rhymes) and I should probably sleep or something. Merry Christmas!

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