Peter King Has a Theory

12.27.11 6 years ago 60 Comments

When we last left NBC shill, Peter King, things were really getting interesting in Tebowland.

So what about this week? Will Peter have any cost-prohibitive wine recommendations? How many Pro Bowl free agents will it take to make the Rams a good coaching destination? Who has Peter underrated this week? The answers might shock you. READ ON.

The sixth seed? Only 943 possibilities, give or take a dozen, but the Bengals clinch it with a home win over Baltimore (anyone in Cincinnati care?)

Only 47,224, give or everyone who watches their games on television.

Now on to everything else, including a personally historic day by Mr. Discount Double-Check,

my annual harangue about the prospect of an 18-game schedule

Followed by his annual harangue about meringue (it lacks yolkiness).

the unexpected MVPs of the Giants behind Eli Manning

Would you believe there are nine of them?

Adrian Peterson’s Christmas nightmare

A WiFi-only iPad 2?

and Minnesota’s enduring Christmas gift…

Personal hotspots for everyone with a shredded knee!

Meaningless, too: the whole Kansas City-gave-the-league-a-blueprint-on-beating-the-Packers thing

Ah yes, the hope-Rodgers-has-a-rare-off-day gambit.

I’ll tell you the blueprint — keep the Packers defense on the field and keep Rodgers off it.

Meaningless, too: the whole Peter King-gave-the-league-a-blueprint-on-beating-the-Packers thing.

Why the Rams have the best job out there

Bear with me, it’s about to get pretty iffy in here.

St. Louis will lead the NFL in cap room.

Cap room and improve-ability.

I know, I know. Many of you are saying the San Diego job, or the Miami job, will be better.

I know I’m wrong, but bear with me while I make this drawn out point.

But think of the Rams if Bradford returns to 2010 form — and there’s no reason to think he won’t, unless you believe he’s too brittle, which is possible.

There’s no reason to think he won’t return to 2010 form, except for this perfectly reasonable reason why he won’t.

and think what happens if the Rams can sign three or four very good players (Calais Campbell? Arian Foster? Mario Williams? Cliff Avril?) in the next two years.

To sum up, the Rams job could be great if their injury-prone franchise player stops getting hurt and the team goes out and signs a few of the best players in the league. It’s hard to imagining such a scenario not playing out.

And here’s where I’ll note the 11 current lawsuits (that may morph into one large class-action suit sometime this winter) by players claiming the NFL hasn’t done enough to address the issue of head trauma and concussions in the game… My theory is these cases are not going away.

Inspector King has a theory.

Why tempt fate by adding more games to a sport that already is risky enough, and making 10 tons of money?

I agree completely. Especially because we don’t even know what 10 tons of money is worth. Get us back on the gold standard so we can properly evaluate the risks versus reward.

1. Green Bay (14-1). The Pack’s been held under 21 points once in the last 19 games. You’re going to have to score in the 30s to have a chance against them in January…

The Packers are rarely held under 21 points, so you have to score a minimum of 30 to beat them. Except for those four weeks where they scored in the mid-20’s.

The Detroit secondary is proving a lot of folks, me included, dead wrong right now. Clinging, aggressive coverage.

Not unlike Peter’s new Nike Dri-FIT Pro underwear.

13. Carolina (6-9). They’ve won four of the last five, and even though two came against the (counterfeit) Bucs, this is one steamrolling offense right now.


Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me

Here we go!

The following men have been head coach of the football team at the University of Pittsburgh in the last 13 months:

Jesus. I went to Pitt and even I don’t give a shit.

Travel time from Manhattan, via car, 125 miles to my niece’s winter concert in Connecticut, late in the afternoon on a mid-December Thursday: 3 hours, 43 minutes.

We’ve come to the part of the column where Peter makes his niece feel bad for making him travel nearly four hours for her lackluster performance of Greensleeves.

How was McCown out of football and coaching high school five weeks ago?


m. Marshall Newhouse, I underrated you. Sorry.

Caribou Coffee awaits its apology.

c. The Houston defense. Don’t tell me it’s all missing Wade Phillips either.

Enough of your excuses, defense playing without its coordinator and its best player.

d. Tim Tebow. Did he use up all his professional football karma in two months?

Tebow doesn’t believe in karma, and Peter doesn’t really know how it works.

America’s got Ryan fatigue.

Looking at you, Seacrest.

5. I think my money’s on the Rams to win the first-pick lottery.

Not if David Stern has anything to say about it.

9. I think the defensive player of the year award is going to come down to Sunday night. Five or six strong candidates.

Yes, by all means base your final selection for a season-long award on a mostly meaningless Week 17.

Would you believe I saw Elf for the first time the other night?

That’s it? No review? Did you not find Zooey Deschanel to be enchanting?

b. Michael Jordan is neither charismatic or effective in his Hanes commercials.

Would you believe I saw that commercial for the first time the other night?

c. Ditto Jennifer Lopez in the Fiat ones … because no one believes she’s driving a Fiat, alone, in sketchy New York neighborhoods.

Graffiti + pickup basketball = SKETCH

d. Mike Tirico, did you really say last night, “World Peace with the bucket” in the Lakers-Bulls game? I am extremely impressed you can say that without laughing out loud.

Nary a guffaw.

e. Metta World Peace, formerly Ron Artest.

I think that’s not a thought.

f. I know I’m prejudiced, and I get a paycheck from NBC…

[disregards everything that follows]

. Highlight for me in the second episode the other night: the focus on concussions, and on the exam of Flyers top scorer Claude Giroux. You see the team doctor asking Giroux if he’s having any trouble texting. Cool stuff. That’s the kind of stuff that makes these shows must-see TV.

Peter’s threshold for must-see TV is admittedly low, but asking a concussion victim about his ability to text seems about right.

h. Coffeenerdness: You’re too homogenized already, Starbucks. And now you make your packaging on the pounds of coffee all the same now, with only the words on the front different. Why? The bags used to be distinctive and recognizable. Now you’ve done what you do with the boring pastries, making them the same in San Jose as they are in Manhattan.

But how do they look in Wichita?

i. Beernerdness: Can I give a wine shoutout?

Only if it’s properly labeled as Winenerdness.

Had a glass of the Rubicon Captain’s Reserve cab with Christmas Eve dinner. And I’ll be back for more, Mr. Coppola.

Time to step your game up, Mr. Vermeil.

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