The Best Moments From Chiefs-Chargers

11.02.12 5 years ago 13 Comments

In case you weren’t masochistic enough to tune in for a weeknight game between two doomed head coaches, bad news: neither of them were summarily fired. Also, the game was kinda watchable for only a half and even that’s being generous. A stupid Philip Rivers interception let the Chiefs hang around longer than they had any right to, but Kansas City is full of polite Midwestern people who were like, “Nope, we don’t deserve this. Please have as many defensive touchdowns as you wish.”

There were reports that Norv would have been fired had San Diego lost, so I suspect there are very mixed feelings among Chargers fans about winning that game. Hang in there, guys. After a game against the Bucs, your next two opponents are the Broncos and the Ravens. You’ll be back below .500 in no time.

Jamaal Charles sustained a neck injury and left in the fourth quarter. He was tested for a concussion and cleared, but didn’t return, because why bother? Shaun Draughn and Ronnie Brown respectively finished the game with more fantasy points than the starting running backs they play behind. Of course they did. It’s Chiefs-Chargers. Nobody got out of this without crying.

Rivers mustache is already gone. That’s okay. I treasured our few days of getting to make fun of it. I don’t even think it was losing to the Browns that forced him to shave it. He must have realized that having a mustache in November might be construed as supporting charity and immediately grabbed a razor. Anyway, Rivers threw a inexcusable interception right at the end of the first half. He went to his knees to collect his thoughts, only to double over on his ass. I’m sure Laserface would be an easy sell on yoga to improve flexibility.

Postgame, the NFL Network talking heads pressed Rivers on what he said to himself after that interception. Philip aw-shucks’d it up for the television people like a good ol’ boy, but he’s not fooling anybody. I know for a fact he yelled, “BY THE BLEEDING CUNT OF CHRIST! FUCK!”

The Chiefs late desperation onside kick was whirling, disorienting and ultimately ineffective, much like everything with the Chiefs. Because you had to be on drugs to get through this game, it kind of had a pleasant trippy effect. Nice work, guys.

When Jarret Johnson celebrates a touchdown, he mashes heads. That’s just truth. Accept it and be prepared for it. It’s not his fault that Nick Hardwick isn’t ready for the impending skull mash with no helmet. Nice time the head will be on a swivel and the helmet will be on the head… on a swivel.

Sure, the Chargers won over a division rival. That will surely buy Norv precious weeks of continued fuckuppery. It was nice to see Chargers fans still flying huge banners calling for their shitcanning even as the team padded onto a huge lead. Honestly, if the Chargers still fired Norv after that game, I would have openly rooted for the organization for the rest of the season.

Dexter McCluster dropped a punt, which is pretty bad, but a standard-level derp for a Chiefs player. Of course, I include this only to set up the following slide.

Yup, and there’s McCluster getting destroyed by Atari Bigby in coverage. And you thought stoners were all passive and shit.

Chiefs offensive coordinator Brian Daboll had himself a sideline tantrum over Romeo Crennel’s decision to kick a field goal in the second half rather than attempt to convert a 4th and 1. You’d have thought the season would have already wiped out all the spirit in him. Someome should tell Daboll to quit caring before he takes any more years off his life.

Also, ha ha, Scott Pioli, you getting fired, too.

Demorrio Williams was with the Chiefs for the previous four seasons, so of course he gets a chance to score as well. Just to make sure this was the ultimate humbling for Kansas City. Not sure what he was going for by depositing the ball at the base of the uprights after his pick-six. I believe we are owed a dunk attempt, sir.

Shaun Draughn dropped the Chiefs first kickoff return of the game. He recovered it, but it was a fitting way of setting the tone for the evening. He did score the Chiefs only touchdown of the night, so, hell, he could be team MVP before all is said and done.

Lori Petty

Holy shit todd blackledge hahahaha their best QB was the shittiest QB in the best QB draft ever

The Flyin Hawaiian David Kaliiki Alii

Ugh, this game is still on? I promised myself no more disaster coverage.


Norv’s face once jumped on a grenade to save a platoon

War Machine

Hey ho, this blows

Hey ho, this blows

They’re going to regale ya

With tales of Laserface and failure

Plus Marmalard’s behaviour

This game could suck

There’s a decent possibility

The Chiefs slide into anonymity

Crennel still looks like a manatee

This game could suck

Hey ho, let’s go

Over to Mike Mayock

What he thayths, we don’t know

lithping and thpitting all over the thow

White Castle Weirdo

Dammit. I was hoping Norv would get fired on the field while the game was in progress.

Keating Sean

every time Cassel sees the endzone in sight does he instantly hallucinate an enormous black precipice

Why thank you Eddie Murray Sparkles

Those little McClusters. I just take some Preparation H and get rid of them.


I feel like all this Ronnie Brown is just Norv saying “Fuck it, No need to waste Matthews” But my brain says “Nope, Norv thinks Ronnie Brown is the better back”

Porn Stache

The Chargers are turning into the Bears; a catty QB and the defense has to score most of the points to be able to win.

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