Ridin’ Dirty With The News

Entertainment Editor
08.30.10

New Zealander Michael Wiles was riding his motorcycle when he noticed a barbecue grill discarded along the side of the road, so he did the only logical thing: wear it as a shirt and try to ride home at speeds of up to 46 mph on a busy freeway.  He was caught, despite his total inconspicuousness, and his lawyer argued that his client was poor and had a momentary “lack of thought processes”.  No, really?  He was fined ~$719 (A$800, £458) and barred from driving for a month.  And the BBQ grill didn’t work, but at least he can wear it for Halloween and go as “that dumbass on the motorcycle.”

Not to be outdone by a kiwi, an even bigger dumbass in Washington state (USA! USA!) drove his car “about 3/4 of the way” through the local DMV when he accidentally hit the gas pedal instead of the brake, and then apparently just kept holding it down because, hey, might as well go all in.  No word on whether or not he got the driver’s license renewal he was visiting the DMV to pick up.  We’re guessing not.

Also having a lapse in judgment was Zirian Tahirli, a 20-year-old Briton vacationing on the island of Menorca.  While very drunk, he stole an inflatable boat, fashioned a sail out of an oar and some cloth, and attempted to sail to the island of Majorca 40 miles away.  He was spotted by a fisherman almost 24 hours later, eight miles from the shore of Menorca and thirty-five miles from Majorca.  He told the fisherman to leave him alone; he was going to Majorca.  The fisherman called the police.  Haters gonna hate.

And finally, a transportation-related story where nobody gets arrested and everybody wins.  Well, everyone but the woman who borrowed $2,000 from Raymond Reeder of Frederick, Maryland.  She borrowed the money from Reeder and his girlfriend to buy a 1998 Saturn station wagon.  After a long wait, Reeder asked her to give some money back, offering a payment plan of $10 per month.  Reeder says she cussed him out, which is probably a bad idea when he holds the title to the vehicle.  He responded by having the car towed.  Then he and some friends ran over it with four monster trucks before flipping it over and sawing it apart, going through $40 worth of saw blades disassembling it.  Pieces of the car now reside on Reeder’s front lawn, with an American flag sticking out of the exhaust pipe.  Poignant.

[news-links]

  • Motorcyclist wearing BBQ grill while driving gets grilled by police. [I’m sorry.] (Telegraph)
  • DMV office now has a handy drive-thru lane. (KREM)
  • Drunk Brit dingbat in a dinghy gets rescued. (Mirror and Telegraph)
  • “Man saws car in half to prove a point.”  The point?  Don’t borrow money from this guy. (Arbroath)

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[news-morenews]

  • Meanwhile in Australia, a koala was taken for a ride in a car’s grill after being struck by the vehicle, which was traveling 50 mph.  The koala survived and was overheard saying, “That all you got? SON WHAT?”  Koalas keep it real. (Jalopnik)
  • A man in North Carolina who was hunting for a “ghost train” was killed by a real one. (WCNC)
  • A dog in a wheelchair scaled the tallest mountain in New England, probably got back down by lifting its front legs and yelling, “Weeeeee!” (Bostonist)

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[news-stats]

  • Here’s an infographic that confuses correlation with causation: “Does Commuting By Car Make You Fat?”  I’d say eating Butterfinger McFlurries for breakfast is the more likely culprit. (GOOD)
  • The most common contributing factor to boating-related fatalities is alcohol use. I know, shocking, right? (VizWorld)
  • Here’s an infographic about vehicular crime and accidents in the U.S.  It doesn’t say anything about the number of koalas hit per capita by state, though.  I can’t believe they’d leave that out. (VisualLoop)

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