‘Let’s Shuffle Up And Masturbate Our Cards Down The Feel!’

07.13.10 7 years ago 33 Comments

What’s happenin’, people! Welcome to the Main Event of the World Series of Pokin’! You’re in Lost Vegan for the greatest cart game in all the world. I wouldn’t piss this for all the teabagging in Singapore! You all know what you gots to do. It’s a very long and dueling tournament. You’ll be so tired after today that you’ll have to slurp the camel at both ends! It’s a long, windy road to the final table.

Stratomatigy is important here. You have to raise in preposition to conceive your opponent. Conception is a big deal in pokin’! And talk some smack. Throw a few Barbies at the pokin’ table. Let everyone know that you mean jiz-niss. We’re talking millions of donors in cash here. And the last player with all the chitlins will be victoramous!

Why do they put pokin’ on ESPN? It’s not a real sport. There’s no atheti-schism. There’s no Arameic activity. There’s no running or throwing or measuring speed or a jellybean. It’s just sitting at a table until you breast out and get sent to the railroad. Who wants to see that?

So get on out there and get those cars in the arrow. You know what they say, it’s time to shizzle up and shizzle down and take the train to moneytown!


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