Ocho Cinco Hits The Drive Thru

04.03.08 10 years ago 20 Comments

(car pulls up)

Order Box: Welcome to Burger King. May I take your order?

(long pause)

Order Box: Hello?

Ocho: I’m here.

Order Box: Can I take your order, Sir?

Ocho: I don’t know.

Order Box: You don’t know?

Ocho: Exactly. I DON’T KNOW.

Order Box: Okay.

(long pause)

Order Box: Would you like a hamburger or something?

Ocho: (sighs) I’ll take a Whopper and large fries. And an orange slice.

Order Box: Is Fanta okay?

(long pause)

Order Box: Sir?

Ocho: Who said Fanta? See now, this is exactly the kinda shit I’m talkin’ about.

Order Box: Sir?


Order Box: But we only have Fanta, Sir.

Ocho: Exactly. That’s all you have. That’s all you can do for Chad. And Chad has to decide if that’s good enough for Chad.

Order Box: But it’s the same soda. It’s still orange.

Ocho: That’s not the issue. If this is the way we’re going to continue, then that’s the way we’re going to continue.

Order Box: What?

Ocho: WHAT?

Order Box: How about I just scratch your drink order? That way, you can find an Orange Slice across the street at Arby’s. Is that okay?

Ocho: Arby’s? Who said anything about Arby’s?

Order Box: Sir?

Ocho: I didn’t say anything about Arby’s.

Order Box: I know you didn’t.

Ocho: Why are we talking about Arby’s? This is fucking Burger King.

Order Box: May I complete your order, Sir?

Ocho: (sighs) Whatever.

Order Box: Your total is $6.79. If you could just pull around, Sir.

Ocho: THAT’S IT?

Order Box: I… believe so. Was there something else you wanted? Would you like a Jr. Sundae?

(long pause)

Order Box: Sir?

Ocho: You know what’s good? Spiral pasta. I would like some spiral pasta.

Order Box: But, we don’t have that on our menu, Sir.

Ocho: Why not? Why are you so set in your ways? Do you really believe that things will improve the way you’re going?

Order Box: Uh… Your order is ready at the window, Sir. If you could just pull around.

Ocho: THAT’S IT?

Order Box: I think so. Was there something else you wanted to discuss?

(long pause)

Order Box: Sir?

Ocho: I don’t know. Did you know there are some rocks that are, like, 500 years old?

Order Box: My manager said your order’s getting cold, Sir.

Ocho: He said that?

Order Box: Yes.

Ocho: Cold? Why he say that?

Order Box: Because he saw it and it’s cold, Sir.

Ocho: So? Listen, I got someone else who needs to order.

Order Box: Okay… May I take that person’s order?

Gary Busey: Why are you taking orders? This is not Poland. We don’t take orders here. You have a nice voice. I’ve been looking at you. I’ve known you since you were a baby, only we’ve never met. Let me touch your ears. Did you know there’s aggression in all of our hearts? I want the raw liver of a horse. And some chicken fries. And I want you to serve it on a tray that’s balancing on your head. THERE IS NO REALITY!

Order Box: I quit.

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