Texans Turn to Tinder to Solve Their Quarterback Dillema

10.18.13 4 years ago 24 Comments

After a long week, Houston Texans coach Gary Kubiak has finally settled on a starter at QB for Sunday’s game against the Chiefs. Case Keenum, come on down!

Kubiak had plenty of talent available and waiting at his beck and call, some more vocal than others, but ultimately his decision was vetted in a manner fitting of a 2-4 team who has thrown a pix-six in each of their last five games.

Let’s take a look at some of the candidates:

Age: 32
Sex: Male
Location: Houston, TX Protective Custody
About Me: Recently getting out of a rocky relationship, so I’m just looking to meet new people. I’d love to right swipe all of you, but I can only pick six!

Age: 26
Sex: Male
Location: Ready and waiting coach
About Me: Dance like nobody’s watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like nobody’s listening, and throw downfield like you’ve never seen double-coverage before.

Age: 30
Sex: Male
Location: Cheesecake Factory
About Me: Haters swipe left.

Age: 26
Sex: Not yet
Location: Omnipresent
About Me: All about the “F’s”.

1) Faith
2) Family
3) Football

Never) Fullback

Age: 44
Sex: DM me
Location: A pair of real, tough, comfortable Wrangler Jeans.
About Me: Slingin’ the gun since ‘91.

Age: 45
Sex: Only with my socks on
Location: Whitlock’s Dreamcatcher
About Me: Quarterback. Family man. Native son of Indiana. Inaugural member, “J-Dub’s Hall of C’Mon Man Give My Guy Another Shot” (Class of 2002).

Age: Livin’ free since 1987
Sex: It’s Adam and Eve, y’all.
Location: If you don’t love it, leave it! #merica #number1
About Me: Why don’t you go occupy a job, hippie. #nobama

Age: 39
Sex: Quicksand
Location: The field of battle
About Me: You. Wanna. See. My scars?

Age: 25
Sex: Male
Location: H-Town 4 Life
About Me: If this leads to something serious, we’ll tell everyone we met working out :P

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