I have confidence that NFL Films can make the “Hard Knocks” series watchable with any of 32 NFL teams, but picking the Falcons, a team that regularly makes the playoffs, loses their first game and still manages to be completely non-descript and boring, isn’t doing themselves any favors. It’s okay, though, Peter King said he knows his fave Belichick disciple GM, Tom Dimitroff, will become a big bright shining star, possibly because Dimitroff already looks like Michael Showalter and viewers will think HBO brought on a comedian to stir sh*t up.
What other hilarious exploits can we anticipate? Not many! But here are a few:
– Arthur Blank abrupt dance number at the end of the finale after being a lurching corpse the whole series.
– Matt Ryan explaining why he is called Matty Ice, a story, much like Ryan himself, that is douchey without being remotely noteworthy.
– Tony Gonzalez laying out the particulars of his vegan diet while Roddy White spits McDonalds on his face.
– Footage of Michael Turner eating for an entire episode.
– Lofa Tatupu’s gripping story of his disappearance from the world of being good.
– Look, Julio Jones and Brent Grimes did something good on the field. Let’s listen to their position coaches tell them how good it was for two and a half minutes.
– Kroy Biermann’s former “Real Housewives of Atlanta” wife doing a bunch of trifling stuff because producers desperately need a fight.
Oh wait, let’s not forget that we’re about to fall in love with Mike Smith because he’s the nicest coach in the NFL. That means he’s just a regular asshole to the standards of the rest of society.
If nothing else, having the Falcons on Hard Knocks would clue people in to the fact that Mike Smith is probably the nicest guy in the NFL.
— SC_DougFarrar (@SC_DougFarrar) April 12, 2012
Yes! Genial old guys make the best TV! Maybe he can replace Chevy Chase on “Community”.
Plus there’s always the chance that Smith could have another heart attack. Not saying I’ll be rooting for that, mind you, but maybe Smith goes down and the Falcons find another Ryan brother to act as interim coach for the remainder of the series. It’s a workable idea, is all.