The Ratbirds suck at cheating too…

06.08.10 7 years ago 43 Comments

The OTA ban goes beyond just practices.

The Ravens’ final week of organized team activities were canceled after the league determined that they had violated practice rules. In a joint statement with the team, the NFL disclosed violations concerning “the intensity and tempo of drills.” I have no earthly idea what that means. Tempo??? Apparently, Harbaugh prefer his practices to be allegro whereas the CBA permits nothing more vigorous than lento moderato.

Ravens GM Ozzie Newsome said the team accepted responsibility for its mistakes and was taking steps to prevent future violations. Ever since Jim Joyce made amends for screwing up that baseball dealie, personal responsibility is trendy again. False remorsefulness is the new false humility.

Another thing, when did we switch from calling them “OTAs” instead of “mini-camp”? I was not consulted. “Mini-camp” sounds like a fun place to be on an early June day. Whereas, “OTAs” is a sterile, nondescript name hidden behind a bland acronym—it represents everything that sucks and is boring about the NFL.

Admittedly the “mini-camp” nomenclature was also misleading, but cheerfully so. “Mini-camp” sounds like the kind of place where bored housewives take their toddlers to make macaroni necklaces while they’re off humping the pool boy.

So to recap: the Ravens are dirty, dirty cheats, macaroni necklaces are cool, and your wife is probably a slut.

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