Answer: not the laughably gullible guy in our first story. To give thanks this weekend, we thought we’d focus on the stories of people we should be thankful aren’t us, starting with the dwarf rescuer. Joseph Jones, aged 73, received a phone call in his motel room in South Carolina from a man claiming to be motel’s manager. He claimed Jones would have to help remove security cameras from the room. Jones followed instructions which included throwing the TV outside and breaking mirrors, but it gets stranger. The caller then told him a dwarf was trapped in the room next door and the police wanted Jones to break through the wall to get him out. When the real police arrived, Jones had already broken through the wall to the other room (OH YEAH!) and when police attempted to speak to the caller, he said he had the wrong number. Oh, no. You had the right number, new best friend.
Meanwhile in Germany, a man in the town of Gumperda started building a brick wall in his basement. Either forgetting walls need doors (or needing to hide some evidence), the man completely walled off part of the basement. Unfortunately, he was on the wrong side of the wall, trapping himself. A few days later, he decided to take action and took a hammer drill to the wall connected to his neighbors’ basement. Coincidentally, he had been quarreling with these neighbors for months. After smashing through their wall (OH YEAH!) he began arguing with them and was arrested.
He wasn’t the only German escaping from a sticky situation this week. A couple getting frisky in a car outside Cologne found themselves in a spot of bother. They left their car running due to the freezing temperatures outside and bumped the gear stick (the other gear stick), sending their car into the river Rhine. Emergency crews were able to rescue them before they froze. The insurance company should mark this down as an “Act of God, oh God, ohhhhh God!”
- Old man goes all rock and roll on a hotel room during prank call gone very right. (MSNBC)
- German man bricks himself into basement. Your cunning plan, I don’t believe you thought it all the way through. (BBC)
- German couple rescued from freezing river after car sex accident. Also, “Car Sex Accident” is an awesome band name. (Metro)
- Another German is in the news for demanding his ex-girlfriend either pay him the €4,379 (US $5,865) he spent on her breast implants or return the implants to him. Um, dude, I don’t think you want those back. Maybe arrange for a joint custody with visitation rights instead? Giggity. (Arbroath)
- A woman in Paris, France was trapped in her apartment’s bathroom for 20 days, banging on the pipes to alert neighbors, who started a petition to stop all that noisy construction going on at all hours of the day. Somebody eventually realized they hadn’t seen any construction workers or the neighbor for weeks. (BBC via Newslite)
- After reading about all these fools, we’re feeling thankful. Aren’t you? Why not spread the wealth, and save some money doing so. Groupon has a deal going until late Monday night where donations to your local schools through DonorsChoose are matched at least 150%. If you pick one of the grants with an additional matching deal already in place, you’re looking at a 400% match. Frickin’ math, how does it work? Miracles.
KNOW YOUR STATS
- So yesterday was Black Friday and Monday will be Cyber Monday (which marks the third year in a row we hear “Cyber Monday”, put on our robe and wizard hat, then someone tells us it’s not that kind of cyber). Total sales (online and in stores) on Black Friday rose only 0.5% between 2008 and 2009, whereas online sales on Black Friday jumped 11% during that same time. Some of us would rather scope out the People of Walmart from the safety of our desks. (VisualLoop)
- Black Friday isn’t the biggest shopping day of the year by sales volume. That distinction usually goes to Christmas Eve, or as we call it, “the prelude to a vicious bender that will lead to regrets and embarrassed apologies again this year”. (Fatwallet)
- Picture via NatalieDee.