…and you thought MNF sucked last year

06.20.07 10 years ago 41 Comments

Surely you remember when ESPN first introduced their “B Team” for the Monday Night Football broadcast last season. Let me refresh your memory, they were the ones that didn’t suck enormous rhinoceros cock. Seeing as how Ron Jaworkski, the star of that talented less shitty broadcast, has been tapped to replace The Theez ESPN had to assemble a new crew to broadcast the back end of the Week 1 doubleheader. Well Norby the Mixed-Up Television Executive has made his choice–and it isn’t pretty…

Two of these men are heading for the broadcast booth, the other two have to get back to the bathhouse.

Yeah, because who among us wasn’t getting enough Mike & Mike in our lives? But wait! There’s more!

ESPN is set to unveil a second Monday Night Football announcing team today: play-by-play Mike Greenberg, analysts Mike Golic and Mike Ditka and sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein.

How can you not respect this guy?!?!

Oh fuck you Norby! What did we ever do to deserve this crap. It’s bad enough when these three get together on the radio, do we really need them in a booth? One’s a jewy metrosexual, one’s a fat meathead, and the other one is a possibly senile psychopath who’s never put together a complete sentence of logical analysis. Apparently this is the future of ESPN broadcasting; that sound you heard was Awful Announcing swallowing his glock.

The guys are obviously thrilled with the news (even that delusional fucktard Golic who probably still thinks he should have gotten the main job last year) and they’ve already commented on the new gig.

Golic, the former NFL defensive tackle, says MNF is the “Valhalla job” of sportscasting. When asked about rising to that assignment, he says: “Who would say no? If given the opportunity I’d love to do it. But they have an excellent crew there now.”

Oh that it were the “Valhalla job.” At least then Golic would be dead, and that would be heavenly for all of us.

Golic says Kornheiser is “a tough bird to figure out.” But Greenberg, who has supported Kornheiser on air as a fellow non-athlete in an industry dominated by ex-jocks, expects him to be in the booth for many years.

Wow Golic, you can practically smell the envy on your breath. Envy and ham.

“I want Tony to do that job as long as he wants to do it. Then when he retires, I want them to give it to me,” says Greenberg, who’ll milk a cow live on air Thursday morning after losing his annual bet to Golic on the NCAA basketball tournament.

I got nothin’. That second sentence tells you everything you need to know about this debacle. Just thank God that it’s only one shitty game and not an entire shitty season…for now.

ESPN tabs Greenberg, Golic to head second MNF team

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