KSK Mock Draft: Cracker War

04.26.13 4 years ago 67 Comments

We are drafting crackers this week. Anything crispy and crunchy that you can eat on their own or with cheese/dip/spread are fair game, as long as they aren’t tortilla, potato or veggie chips. How you decide which cracker rules supreme is up to you. Do you want something that tastes great on its own? Something that serves as the best possible vehicle for saturated fats to enter your body? It’s up to you. Once a particular cracker is drafted, all other flavor variations of that cracker are off-limits.

Let the great cracker war re-commence!

1. CC – Triscuits

2. UM – Carr’s Rosemary Crackers

Not as neutral as my beloved Triscuit Original, therefor not ideal for all types of cheese. But so so delicious on their own.

3. Drew – Devonsheer Sesame melba rounds

Pretty solid as far as crackering goes.

4. Ape – Cheez-Its

I do not have refined taste in crackers.

5. Flubby – Chicken In A Biskit

Its bold flavor means it doesn’t go well with many cheeses, but I love that chicken dust they’re coated in. Nabisco should sell that chicken dust separately. I would pour that shit on everything and mix it into my morning coffee.

6. Sarah – Vegetable Thins

Image via Syl and Sam.

7. Sarah – Club

8. Flubby – Barnum Animal Crackers

Image via Wishing For Horses.

9. Ape – Oyster crackers

Image via Flickr.

I like soup.

But oyster crackers could be so much more than accompaniment to soup and…oysters. Here’s what Will Leitch had to say about them while playing Drew for a day.

Oyster crackers! I have no idea why people even bother with the soup. If you put oyster crackers in a vending machine, I would replace all my meals with them. For whatever reason, cutting regular crackers up like that makes them irresistible. ENTER THE OCTAGON.

10. Drew – Goldfish

11. UM – Trader Joe’s Pita Chips with Sea Salt

Image via Kim Burfiend.

12. CC – Carr’s Table Water Cracker

The most important takeaway from this draft is the absence of the Wheat Thin menace. This brings me great joy. Also, I have a sudden urge to pour a giant carton of Goldfish into my mouth until I suffocate.

Around The Web