The Best Moments From The Ravens-Broncos Season Opener

09.06.13 4 years ago 71 Comments


Football is back. I think the point has been well established and yet I cannot stop repeating it. It feels so good.

Feeling less good are the Ravens, who allowed the most points in a game in franchise history and were dealt the worst opening game defeat ever by a defending champ. They had to watch Peyton Manning put up an NFL record tying seven touchdown passes against their defense and were probably going against him in fantasy, too. Plus, Baltimore lost two offensive starters, Michael Oher and Jacoby Jones, to injuries inflicted by their teammates.

While the game was only close for a little more than a half and there was a 30+ minute rain delay at the start, there was still plenty to enjoy about game one of the 2013 season. Let’s recap, shall we?


Sure, Peyton Manning threw seven touchdown passes, the first quarterback to do so in a single game since fist fighting old man Joe Kapp in 1969. That’s quite impressive. We would mark the achievement, but there are plenty of others who will step up to gush over Pey-Pey. Instead, we celebrate the first Manning Face of the season, which arrived after Broncos defensive end Robert Ayers tried to jump the route on a 3rd and 12 pass to Dallas Clark. Instead of an interception and possibly a touchdown, it resulted in a converted first down for Baltimore and pissy quarterback faces.


A lot of people were concerned why a Ravens player was seen getting frisked coming out of the locker room at the beginning of the game. Apparently there’s a more logical reason than the “LOLZ all Ravens carry knives like Ray Lewis”. Still, best believe they all carry knives… just to be safe.

Terrell Suggs did his usual Ball So Hard University intro but with a new twist: he’s calling himself Hacksaw, which is a slightly less stupid nickname than Sizzle. If this results in him carrying a 2×4 and a big American flag around with him, I say it’s a positive image change.

Also, he did a bizarre sack dance.


Oh man, just really poor phrasing by Al Michaels saying that Michele Tafoya was gargling in preparation of interviewing Peyton Manning postgame. I think we all get that he was implying the innuendo we all took away. After all, most media people do their gargling while a Peyton Manning interview is going on.


That, however, was appreciated, NBC.


Plenty of nice derps in the game. In particularly, there’s John Harbaugh failing to challenge this drop by Wes Welker on third down. Instead, the Broncos drive was extended and resulted in a touchdown.


Worry not, though – there were other, more critical drops by Wes Welker in the game. Granted, the guy also had two receiving touchdowns in the game, but had the score been somewhat closer this would have been a critical flub.


The less said about the Keith Urban concert in Baltimore before the game, the better. I did however appreciate that Baltimore had sppoky light projections over Ray Lewis over the Chesapeake Bay. Gives us another flimsy reason to post this.

TV Funhouse- Ray Lewis by AC310DC


Good thing the Ravens think they’re getting Dennis Pitta back before the end of the season because Dallas Clark and Ed Dickson were pretty awful for them last night.


RIP Jacoby Jones


Yeah, we already had a separate post about the Danny Trevathan derp at the goal line, but mistakes like this you really have to savor. There was a brief moment where it seemed like it would improbably allow the Ravens to get back in the game. Then they didn’t, which was just as enjoyable to me.

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