White History Month – Ben Roethlisberger

07.08.13 4 years ago 34 Comments


Welcome back to White History month folks. If you missed it on the 4th of July be sure to read up about Dr. Al Davis,, the legendary owner of the Raiders and crusader for White heritige in the modern game.

Today were going to be discussing a Man whose contributions to the NFL game goes without introduction. Ben Roethlisbergers story is one of excellence, more excellence, being guilty of having to much fun, true love, and redemption. Ben’s a great example of how the judicial system in the USA has become prejudiced against successful White men,, so we’re going to be discussing his legal victories and the Civil Rights implications they had for the NFL.

Starting with a little background, Bens a working class QB from a working class town where if you didnt pack a lunch no one would do it for you. Bens rightfully taken flack for not wearing a helmet on his motorcycle but to be totally fair, if he wore a helmet , the media Elite would probably say that he must think hes so smart if he has to go around protecting his brain all the time. We didnt wear helmets as kids and we were fine but in this day and age of soft coaches and your Titus Youngs I guess you have to walk around with a helmet and take a waterbreak after a wet fart.

Bens legal issues of the field are such a joke when you examine them,, they make a great case for Tort reform IMO. The first ludicrous accusation of kidnapping and assault also listed 9 other defendents,, now Im not a OBGYN but the math just doesnt add up thats a red flag. She also told her coworkers that she hoped she had a little Roethlisberger baby in her belly, which she probably would of regretted after 11 months in the womb just extending plays in there waiting for something to open up downfield.


The second time Ben horsed around and got accused of sexual battery was in a bathroom stall in Georgia,, where I guess its no big deal if all that results from your rendezvous is you end up conceiving half of Goodie Mob, but if you happen to be a simple celebrity kid from the Rust Belt you get arrested right then and there. Irregardless of what happened that night Roethlisberger realized that his “friends” were getting him into trouble so he struck a deal with Goodell: Tell the media that you’re suspending me for 8 games, and if I promise to not get accused of rape even once in the next 3 months you’ll let me play after the bye week. Needless to say it was a win-win,, the Steelers made the playoffs which everyones got to admit makes the NFL better.

After Ben playfully kidnapped the girl in the Milledgeville bathroom he ended up meeting his lovely bride and most people dont realize this but since he was anxious to be a role model for all his fans Ben wouldnt even live or sex with her until they were married. From a guy whose always been in the news for “touching storys” this one was the best. You almost kind of have to chuckle imagning the hotel housekeeper cleaning the sheets after Ben and his wife’s virgin honeymoon with the down comforter looking more like the cover of Metallicas “Load” then the cover of a duvet.

Even though the cards were stacked against him as a rich White Male,, Ben fought against injustice and became truly the Rosa Parks of AFC North QBs. He refused to give up his seat as the Elite QB in that division and sure enough he proved hes changed as a human by winning another Lombardi that very year, and for that reason were honoring him for White History Month.


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